We All Have Issues

Problems. We’ve all got ’em. But you choose how many issues you’re willing to deal with in another person. Some women have trust issues. It’s up to a potential mate to decide if he can be patient through it until she is willing to open up. It might just take time.

And some men may have been treated so badly in the past that they’re terrified of upsetting a potential partner. Are you the patient kind of woman to help a man through those fears?

N and I had a great time on our first date. He complimented me, he paid, he was nice and attractive. I initially overlooked the fact that he couldn’t spell. (Their/there, Your/You’re, Buy/Bye.) I don’t expect perfect grammar or spelling from anyone outside of the writing/editing field.

The day after our first date, he went to three stores to find this certain spray paint I’d had to order online because I couldn’t find it locally. I had only mentioned the name of it once, and didn’t say a word about needing more. He bought three cans. He said, “now you have to see me again. LOL.” Eek. He told me how smart and great I was, and put me on a pedestal. I never, ever want to be in that position. Putting a woman on a pedestal is setting her up for a fall because she has nowhere else to go.

We tried to set up a second date, but first I needed to reschedule a potential second date because I was exhausted. That was a Thursday. He knew I had plans both Friday evening and Saturday day (both with women, so no threat), so I suggested Sunday. He said, “What happened to Friday and Saturday?!” I explained, again, that I had plans. Saturday I was swimming with manatees. I knew I’d be tired afterward.

A day later, he tells me to meet him in the Hooters parking lot at 8:30 a.m. Sunday so we can go to Busch Gardens. There were many reasons to say no: I didn’t want to participate in a full-day activity the day after manatees. And I didn’t want to spend a full day with someone I’d only hung out with for an hour previously. And my No. 1 reason not to go: I didn’t want him to spend that much money on me, and I didn’t have the money to spare to buy my own ticket. (This final reason has divided my friends and family – some who agree with me, and some who say if he wants to spend the money, let him.)

I told him no and explained that I was hoping for something more low-key. He said he didn’t understand. I messaged again and gave options: Pool, bowling, darts, mini-golf. He never responded.

Now keep in mind that I had texted previously and specifically told him that he could text me anytime; if I’m busy, it’ll just take me longer to answer. This was after he wouldn’t text while I was at work. I sit at a desk all day; I can answer a text or several.

On that Sunday afternoon, two days later, he texted and asked if I was interested in hanging out. This is a man who has issues. A man who was scared that I would be upset if he texted while I was doing something else. A man whose previous spouse hit him.

And I am the woman who wasn’t able to overlook those issues. There were too many (including the fact that he lives more than an hour away). I sincerely hope he finds a good woman. One who won’t take advantage of his kindness like I know I would have in no time.

There is such a thing as being too nice. It would have been easy to walk all over him, and I hope he meets a woman who wouldn’t.

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